TELLING FUNNY STORIES
STORY 1
Susie came skipping up the walk. She opened the door and said, “Mommy! I got a 100 today!” The mother replied, “That’s great, dear! What did you get it in?”
“Two things,” Susie said. “I got a 46 in science, and a 54 in mathematics.”
STORY 2
Jacky Wong got married with Lia Wong. Both of them had a white skin and straight hair. They are really a well-matched couple.
One year later, Wong family got a new baby. A nurse brought them a son with curly hair and a black skin.
The nurse congratulated and said, “What name will you give to this son?”
With a confused face, Jacky Wong grumbled, “Sum Ting Wong!”
STORY 3
The sharks got them
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
“Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said.
“The sharks got ’em.”
STORY 4
Help The Lonely Child
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?”
The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”
“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
STORY 5
Two vampire bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”
“Yes,” the other bat answers.
“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”
STORY 6
Buying a rabbit
A cute girl peaks over the counter and politely asks the sales representative. “I’m interested in buying a rabbit.” “Oh sure we’ve got lots of rabbits” gushed the motherly sales representative. “Do you have any specific color in mind? We’ve got some adorable white Bunnies down this isle.” The lady exclaimed. “Oh” said the cute girl with a wave of her hand, “I really don’t think my boa constrictor would care about what color it is!”
STORY 7
The Frog And The Cute Girl
A frog telephones the Love fortune-teller Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a cute young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the fortune-teller. “Next semester in her biology class.”
STORY 8
Substituting Teacher
A girl was substituting as a teacher for her friend. She figured that it would be best if she wrote everything on the board for the kids, so it would be easier for them to understand.
During math class she said to the class, “Ok class, it is time for your math test. I will write the problems for the test on the board.” So she did it, and they took the test.
Later in science she said to the class, “I will write the questions to your science assignment on the board.” So she did and they took the test.
Then later in spelling, she said to the class, “Class, I will write the words for your spelling test on the board.”
STORY 9
American History
Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Johnny: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
STORY 10
Half Day
One day there was a class of kids at school. They were having a hard time concentrating on the work because it was snowing so hard outside. They were just waiting for that blessed announcement of the rest of the day off.
Suddenly, the intercom beeped and they heard the voice of their principal; “Attention, students. Due to the weather conditions, we will only be attending school a half of the day this morning.”
After all the students’ cheers had stopped, the principal continued; “And we will be attending the other half this afternoon.”
STORY 11
Broom
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom. I’ll show you how.”
STORY 12
Fun in Class
The teacher asked a student: “Do you know where Mt.Everestis?,the talllest mountain in the world?”
The student said: “I am sorry teacher,i don’t know where it is.”
The teacher said angrily: “You don’t know? Stand up on the chair!”
The student stood up on the chair in the astonishing manner and said: “Teacher, can I see Mt.Everest by standing in the chair?”
STORY 13
Are You Punish Me?
Kid : “Do you punish people for things they don’t do?”
Teacher: “Of course, no.”
Kid : “Great! I didn’t do my homework.”
STORY 14
That phone is off
Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
“It must be my first customer,” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone.”
STORY 15
Penguin in the park
Once a man was walking in a park when he across a penguin. He took it to a policeman and said; "What should I do?" The policeman replied; "Take it to the zoo!".
The next day, the policeman saw the man in the same park. The man was still carrying the penguin. The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked; "Why are you still carrying the penguin? Didn't you take it to the zoo?"
The man replied; "I certainly did. And it was a great idea because the penguin really enjoyed it. So, today I am taking it to the movie".
STORY 16
A smart potato farmer
A potato farmer was sent to to prison just at time when he should have been digging the ground for planting the new crop of potatoes.
He realized that his wife would not be strong enough to do the digging by herself, but that she could manage to do the planting, and he also knew that he did not have any friends or neighbors who would be willing to do the digging for him. So he wrote a letter to his wife which said “Please do not dig the potato field. I hide the money and the gun there.”
Ten days later, he got a letter from his wife. It said, “I think somebody is reading your letter before they go out of prison. Some policeman arrived here two days ago and dug up the whole field. What shall I do now?”
The prisoner wrote back at once. “Plant the potatoes, of course!”
STORY 17
Nassredin Coat
One day Nasreddin had been invited to the dinner party. He went to the party by wearing old clothes.
When he arrived in the party, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat. He got no food in the party so he went home and change his clothes. Next he put on his best clothes. He wore his newest coat and went to the party again. The host at once got up and came to meet him. The host offered him the best table and gave him a good seat and served him the best food.
Nasreddin sat and put off his coat. He put his coat and said; “Eat the food, Coat!” the hosts and guests were very surprised and asked Nareddin; “What are you doing?” Nasreddin replied calmly; “When I came here with my old clothes, nobody looked at me.
Susie came skipping up the walk. She opened the door and said, “Mommy! I got a 100 today!” The mother replied, “That’s great, dear! What did you get it in?”
“Two things,” Susie said. “I got a 46 in science, and a 54 in mathematics.”
STORY 2
Jacky Wong got married with Lia Wong. Both of them had a white skin and straight hair. They are really a well-matched couple.
One year later, Wong family got a new baby. A nurse brought them a son with curly hair and a black skin.
The nurse congratulated and said, “What name will you give to this son?”
With a confused face, Jacky Wong grumbled, “Sum Ting Wong!”
STORY 3
The sharks got them
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
“Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said.
“The sharks got ’em.”
STORY 4
Help The Lonely Child
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?”
The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”
“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
STORY 5
Two vampire bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”
“Yes,” the other bat answers.
“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”
STORY 6
Buying a rabbit
A cute girl peaks over the counter and politely asks the sales representative. “I’m interested in buying a rabbit.” “Oh sure we’ve got lots of rabbits” gushed the motherly sales representative. “Do you have any specific color in mind? We’ve got some adorable white Bunnies down this isle.” The lady exclaimed. “Oh” said the cute girl with a wave of her hand, “I really don’t think my boa constrictor would care about what color it is!”
STORY 7
The Frog And The Cute Girl
A frog telephones the Love fortune-teller Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a cute young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the fortune-teller. “Next semester in her biology class.”
STORY 8
Substituting Teacher
A girl was substituting as a teacher for her friend. She figured that it would be best if she wrote everything on the board for the kids, so it would be easier for them to understand.
During math class she said to the class, “Ok class, it is time for your math test. I will write the problems for the test on the board.” So she did it, and they took the test.
Later in science she said to the class, “I will write the questions to your science assignment on the board.” So she did and they took the test.
Then later in spelling, she said to the class, “Class, I will write the words for your spelling test on the board.”
STORY 9
American History
Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Johnny: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”
STORY 10
Half Day
One day there was a class of kids at school. They were having a hard time concentrating on the work because it was snowing so hard outside. They were just waiting for that blessed announcement of the rest of the day off.
Suddenly, the intercom beeped and they heard the voice of their principal; “Attention, students. Due to the weather conditions, we will only be attending school a half of the day this morning.”
After all the students’ cheers had stopped, the principal continued; “And we will be attending the other half this afternoon.”
STORY 11
Broom
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom. I’ll show you how.”
STORY 12
Fun in Class
The teacher asked a student: “Do you know where Mt.Everestis?,the talllest mountain in the world?”
The student said: “I am sorry teacher,i don’t know where it is.”
The teacher said angrily: “You don’t know? Stand up on the chair!”
The student stood up on the chair in the astonishing manner and said: “Teacher, can I see Mt.Everest by standing in the chair?”
STORY 13
Are You Punish Me?
Kid : “Do you punish people for things they don’t do?”
Teacher: “Of course, no.”
Kid : “Great! I didn’t do my homework.”
STORY 14
That phone is off
Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
“It must be my first customer,” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone.”
STORY 15
Penguin in the park
Once a man was walking in a park when he across a penguin. He took it to a policeman and said; "What should I do?" The policeman replied; "Take it to the zoo!".
The next day, the policeman saw the man in the same park. The man was still carrying the penguin. The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked; "Why are you still carrying the penguin? Didn't you take it to the zoo?"
The man replied; "I certainly did. And it was a great idea because the penguin really enjoyed it. So, today I am taking it to the movie".
STORY 16
A smart potato farmer
A potato farmer was sent to to prison just at time when he should have been digging the ground for planting the new crop of potatoes.
He realized that his wife would not be strong enough to do the digging by herself, but that she could manage to do the planting, and he also knew that he did not have any friends or neighbors who would be willing to do the digging for him. So he wrote a letter to his wife which said “Please do not dig the potato field. I hide the money and the gun there.”
Ten days later, he got a letter from his wife. It said, “I think somebody is reading your letter before they go out of prison. Some policeman arrived here two days ago and dug up the whole field. What shall I do now?”
The prisoner wrote back at once. “Plant the potatoes, of course!”
STORY 17
Nassredin Coat
One day Nasreddin had been invited to the dinner party. He went to the party by wearing old clothes.
When he arrived in the party, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat. He got no food in the party so he went home and change his clothes. Next he put on his best clothes. He wore his newest coat and went to the party again. The host at once got up and came to meet him. The host offered him the best table and gave him a good seat and served him the best food.
Nasreddin sat and put off his coat. He put his coat and said; “Eat the food, Coat!” the hosts and guests were very surprised and asked Nareddin; “What are you doing?” Nasreddin replied calmly; “When I came here with my old clothes, nobody looked at me.
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